I Sing

Dear LittleDude,

Today, I finally stopped. I think I've been running around for months, always looking at the next thing. First, it was getting to the start of the semester in school. Then it was midterms. Then Daddy coming home. Then finals. Then leave. Then being sick and in the hospital. (Well, I wasn't looking forward to that, exactly, but it happened, and we're okay.) Then the holidays in Minnesota. And since then, I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off just trying to get everything ready for your arrival (which isn't done...but, hey, I'm only human, and you might as well learn that now).

But today, just a few minutes ago, I finally stopped. Just for a minute. And I fell in love more than I ever thought possible, one more time. No TV, no music, no barking dog going nuts about the noisy maintenance people who are doing invisible work in the hallway. Just me on the couch with you kicking inside my belly. And I sang. And I think you liked it and drifted off to sleep. I am so in love, it's ridiculous.

Love, Mommy

Hanging In There

Dear LittleDude,


I'm a little freaked out. I found out that I failed my 1-hour glucose test and will have to take a 3-hour glucose test to be screened for gestational diabetes. What this means for you is that you could be having some little problems in there. What it means for Mommy is that I might have a little more trouble keeping you strong and healthy and not huge until you can come out and meet us. 


I keep having mini-nightmares (well, daymares since I haven't been sleeping too well at night) about things going wrong. I'm still afraid we could lose you. And beyond that, I'm afraid of failing epidurals, you being too big, you coming too early, baby weight that won't come off, stretch marks, the parts of delivery and recovery no one tells you about until you're already pregnant, finding a decent outfit in size whale for the baby shower Gammoo and Teresa are throwing for us, etc. And on top if it all, I have a sudden urge to scavenge through the kitchen like a starved raccoon every twenty minutes. 


I just can't wait until I can see your little face and hold you in my arms.


Love, Mommy

Are You Okay in There?

Dear Monkey,

Today, I should have been studying, but I decided to meet your grandma (my mommy) for some shopping instead. I ended up buying a monkey mobile for you (it's the first thing I've bought for you) and two pairs of maternity jeans. I couldn't pass up the jeans because they were on sale, and you're already making things a little snug in my regular jeans. I couldn't pass up the mobile because it was cute.

The day wasn't all rainbows, though. I've been worried because I suddenly don't feel nauseated. I'm afraid you aren't okay in there. Your grandma says I'm just adjusting well to carrying you around and laughed, "I've never heard of anyone being upset that they aren't puking!" She has a point, but I'm still scared. I can't bear to lose you.

I love you.
Love, Mommy